WEDNESDAY 23-31: PALM BEACH INTERNATIONAL FILM FESTIVAL
The 23rd installment of Palm Beach’s film festival kicks off Wednesday with a screening of Win Win, the newest film starring America’s favorite schlub, Paul Giamatti. In Win Win, he plays a lawyer and part-time high-school wrestling coach. Sounds promising. After that, and the ensuing afterparty at West Palm Beach’s Pure Vida nightclub, movies will screen at locations across Palm Beach County, from the Living Room Theater at Florida Atlantic University in Boca Raton all the way up to the Muvico Parisian 20 in West Palm Beach’s CityPlace. Check out the Web site for the lengthy list of documentaries, features and shorts that will screen.
Location: Visit Web site for locations.
Time: Visit Web site for schedule.
Cost: $7-$300
Contact: 561-362-0003 or Pbifilmfest.org

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WEDNESDAY 23-APRIL 03: SONY ERICSSON OPEN
As if Ultra Music Festival weren’t doing enough to fill up hotels across Miami, the Sony Ericsson Open takes place at the same time, and through April 3. Indeed, the biggest name of the open (that would be No. 1 ranked Rafael Nadal) plays on Saturday, the biggest day for Ultra. Nadal will begin the process of eviscerating his opponent at 8 p.m. Said opponent will be either Jérémy Chardy or Kei Nishikori, depending on which of them wins their match on Thursday. And we wish that winner all the best, God bless ’em. Hey, he could beat Nadal. Stranger things have happened. Other competitors include no. 2 ranked Novak Djokovic, local hero Andy Roddick, and some guy named Federer. The women’s matches will include Maria Sharapova and Caroline Wozniacki.
Location: Crandon Park, 6747 Crandon Blvd., Key Biscayne
Time: Visit Web site for schedule.
Cost: $5-$425
Contact: 800-725-5472 or Sonyericssonopen.com

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FRIDAY 25: BOB SINCLAR
If any DJ has a knack for creating club anthems that can remain relevant even after obsessive radio play, it’s Bob Sinclar. His single “World, Hold On (Children of the Sky)” came out in 2006, and “Love Generation” was released a year earlier. Both songs are still an essential part of any house-music party. The French DJ re-released these songs last year with fresh mixes on Made in Jamaica, which earned him a Grammy nomination. House DJs Michael Calfan and Gregori Klosman also will hit the decks at SET. In case you miss this party, Sinclar will perform with Pete Tong and DJ Jazzy Jeff at the Pacha Ibiza pool party Saturday at the Shelborne Beach Resort.
Location: SET, 320 Lincoln Road, Miami Beach
Time: 10 p.m.-5 a.m.
Cost: $100
Contact: 305-531-2800 or Setmiami.com

FRIDAY 25 AND SUNDAY 27: RACHEL GOODRICH
Rachel Goodrich endeared herself to us with her quirky instrumentation, fine songwriting and gutsy determination to make music on her own terms. Her Churchill’s gigs were the best things to happen at that place since the World Cup. And then, she moved to Los Angeles and broke our hearts. But now, Goodrich returns to South Florida for just two nights as she tours in support of her self-titled sophomore effort. Locos por Juana will share the bill in Miami, and Pretty Please will play at the Propaganda show. Either way, we’re more than happy to welcome Goodrich home. Where she belongs. Please don’t leave us. We love you.
Location: The Stage, 170 N.E. 38th St., Miami and Propaganda, 6 S. J St., Lake Worth
Time: 11 p.m. (The Stage) and 8 p.m. (Propaganda)
Cost: $10 (The Stage) and $5 (Propaganda)
Contact: 305-576-9577 or Facebook.com/thestagemiami and Propagandalw.com

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MONDAY 28: KATHY GRIFFIN
Kathy Griffin just can’t shut her mouth, and why would anyone want her to? The fiery-haired funny woman loves cracking jokes about her botched liposuction and dissing Sarah Palin, whom she has infuriated by, among other things, taking Bristol’s baby daddy, Levi Johnston, as her escort to the Teen Choice Awards. Griffin recently appeared on Broadway in the one-woman show Kathy Griffin Wants a Tony!, on Fox’s Glee and on the Bravo comedy special 50 and Not Pregnant. Maybe life on the D-list isn’t so bad. Griffin also will perform Tuesday at the Kravis Center in West Palm Beach.
Location: Adrienne Arsht Center, 1300 Biscayne Blvd., Miami
Time: 8 p.m.
Cost: $49-$79
Contact: 305-949-6722 or Arshtcenter.org

“F**k Wall Street”

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by Colleen Dougher

“F**k Wall Street,” a painting that shares a title with Keith Clark’s upcoming solo show, depicts a person squeezing their eyes shut while throwing back their head and screaming from a mouth lined with burgundy-colored lips. “Resignation,” another of Clark’s works, portrays a person with face tilted skyward, eyes closed and pale lips slightly parted. The figure’s somber expression conveys defeat.

These paintings reflect emotions Clark has felt since 2008, when the economy sent his finances into a downward spiral. Four years earlier, the architect and designer relocated from Washington, D.C., to Fort Lauderdale. He hoped that moving to a less-expensive area and doing less-demanding work would leave more time for painting.

He began working as a retail consultant and painting abstracts and figuratives. He’s since participated in more than 50 shows, including three solo exhibitions. For two years, Clark has been painting from a palette of neutral sepia tones to, he explains, “focus the viewer on the shades, shadows, layers and the texture of the image, while reserving the use of color as a statement in itself, such as red for passion or anger, and blues for reflection, calm, or sadness.” The seemingly intense blue eyes peering from the shadowy face in “Disappear” suggests the artist has achieved that goal.

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But other goals, such as paying his mortgage, have proved to be challenging. When the economy took a dive, so did Clark’s retail-consulting work. And when he couldn’t find a full-time job, he began working part-time at art organizations and retail stores. “I was taking pretty much anything I could get,” he says. “I worked at a Halloween store for Halloween, Pottery Barn for Christmas. I have a Bachelor of Architecture degree. It’s a humbling experience to be a stock boy making minimum wage when you’re almost 50 years old.”

By March 2010, those frustrations, combined with the stress of working as many as 80 hours a week, left Clark unable to paint. But after about 10 months, he hit the canvas again, and those feelings of anger, helplessness and resignation drove him to create the works he will exhibit in F**k Wall Street, his fourth solo show, which will open Saturday at Gallery 101 in Fort Lauderdale.

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Clark’s previous show, Without You I’m Still Nothing, contained works about growing up and the homophobic slurs he found written on the door of his college dorm room. His new show is equally introspective. Clark says the works he initially painted for F**k Wall Street were very angry, and while he acknowledges that those works are among his strongest, he didn’t want the exhibition to be a complete rage fest. To avoid that, he began exploring the emotions that lie beneath his anger, including his thoughts about growing older and feeling like a failure as a businessman. “It’s more than just being mad at the banks or politicians or the economy,” he explains. “It’s also about looking at myself and how I got here and forgiving myself and moving on.”

Even though the show on many levels is quite personal, Clark feels people will relate to the 12 works, each of which will be accompanied by prose. “I think everyone is suffering due to anger at the economy right now and [having] feelings of remorse for overspending or not being careful with their finances prior to this,” he says. “Or maybe they just know what their friends or someone in their family has gone through.”

Clark says his art has helped him to re-assess his life. As he notes in a poem that accompanies the show’s only abstract work: “The pieces just don’t fit anymore, but amassed they are beautiful, like a puzzle cast to the floor, resplendent with anticipation.”

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Clark recently landed a full-time job as the special-events coordinator for Flamingo Gardens in Davie. He says it pays about half of what he made as a retail consultant, so he’s adjusted his lifestyle to suit his income and is short-selling his home. “I just can’t hang on anymore, he says. “The house is worth half of what I paid for it, and it’s gonna be 10 years before I get caught up.”

On the upside, his new job concerns three of his biggest passions — art, wildlife and nature — and leaves him time to paint. “I’ve decided to rearrange my life to pursue a job I love rather than pursue a job to accommodate my former life expenses,” he says. “I moved down here because I wanted to paint, and that’s what I’m gonna do.”

F**k Wall Street will open 7-11 p.m. Saturday and run through April 8 at Gallery 101, 3350 N.E. 33rd St., in Fort Lauderdale. Call 954-882-1861 or visit Thegallery101.net.

Contact Colleen Dougher at cdougher@citylinkmagazine.com.

To: Florida college sports fans

From: Missouri alumnus and City Link associate editor Dan Sweeney

Re: Kansas Jayhawks

Hi, guys. Let me start out by saying that I don’t ask much in this old world. Just a day at a beachside bar every couple of weeks, and maybe a good rock concert every month or three. But one thing I will not — nay, cannot — put up with is the idea of the Kansas Jayhawks in the NCAA Championship.

I know you guys have your rivalries. Hell, one of the biggest is between Florida and Florida State, the two schools at which I direct this missive. I understand that, so please don’t take this the wrong way, but I have to be blunt: You don’t know what rivalry even means. Missouri-Kansas is one of the oldest in college sports, second only to Harvard-Yale, and who really gives a damn about that? Missouri-Kansas’ hate fest is based not in the niceties of the bluebloods of the Ivy League, who mightily fight out their loathing for one another in rowing crews and glee clubs. Our own rivalry started in the bloody guerrilla war between Kansas and Missouri throughout the Civil War — even the Jayhawks’ name stems from the name of a paramilitary group from that era. How many other NCAA teams are named after a terrorist organization? Not many, I’d bet. I haven’t heard any fight songs cheering on the state university Al-Qaedas or the dear old college IRA Volunteers. (I’m pretty sure Tennessee takes its name from a different set of volunteers.)

One year while I was in college, the Jayhawks came to Missouri to play football, and their band actually had to be escorted from the stands after the first quarter for their own safety. A few months back, I noticed one of my neighbors had a Kansas Jayhawks license-plate border. I saw him getting out of his car one day recently and said, “So you’re the Jayhawk?” He looked up expectantly, happily, perhaps hoping to find a brother Kansan. Instead, he saw me, in my Mizzou Journalism T-shirt. “Oh, God,” he said, before turning and going inside his condo.

We have not spoken since.

The point is, with my own school out in the first round, and with both the Noles and the Gators still very much alive, I’m depending on one or the other of you to kill this damned team before it makes the championship. It’s a moral imperative. I realize you still have a little way to go before that fateful game may take place. Florida State has to get past an alarmingly ass-kicking Virginia Commonwealth, and Florida has to knock out either Butler or Wisconsin and Brigham Young, which remains surprisingly competitive despite cutting star forward Brandon Davies for fucking, which the school’s administration was apparently shocked to learn happens among college students. I understand that you have your sights on these games, that the Jayhawks are only on the horizon for you. But the idea that the team may take the title is first in my mind when it comes to sports these days, and only you can stop this nightmare from coming true. Besides, you both know you want a Florida State-Florida Final Four game. What passes for your own “rivalry” demands it.

So come on, Florida basketball teams! For the sake of your own schools’ historic moments, for the sake of my sanity, for the sake of human decency everywhere, do whatever you have to do to stop the Jayhawks. Put on a hard foul, and then kick ’em when they’re down. Remember: They’re not people. They’re Jayhawks.

OK,
Dan Sweeney

Tiësto

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by Dan Sweeney

When the deal went down, and Ultra Music Festival announced it would take place two weeks after Winter Music Conference, the general consensus was that it would be bad for business for at least one of the operations, if not both. Surely, electronic-music fans had not the depth of numbers or purpose to hit Miami twice in the same month. And with Ultra arriving in Miami this weekend, we can now say with certainty who won the WMC vs. UMF competition: the fans.

Winter Music Conference was a huge success, Ultra has sold out, and the fact that WMC has already taken place has freed up clubs to put on even more house-heavy shows surrounding Ultra, when they would have been booked already with both WMC and Ultra in town. As a result, the week surrounding Ultra, which has been billed as “Miami Music Week” in an undeniably successful effort to build a WMC-like string of events around the main act, offers almost as many EDM-centric happenings as WMC itself.

Whether or not the two events can sustain themselves in the future, or whether one will dry up while the other eats its lunch, this year, both are going off huge. When and if one does knock out the other, our money would have to be on Ultra coming out on top. Much as we love WMC, the loss of its marquee event and that event’s ability to so quickly put together a week of festivities to compete with WMC speaks volumes.

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Although the massive lineup of parties makes it almost impossible to narrow recommendations down to one a night, and obviously your view may vary depending on individual tastes, our own schedule of must-dos breaks down like this:

Tuesday: Miami Massive at Nikki Beach. Three rooms, 50 DJs, 17 hours of music. ’Nuff said.

Wednesday: Ivory Tower at 11 11. The party at Miami Beach’s newest and snazziest parking garage kicks off at 5 p.m. and goes until midnight. Admission is free as long as you RSVP at Ivorytower1111.eventbrite.com. Alternatively, you can chip in $10 at that site and bypass the line to get in. The party will include art and fashion components as well as DJs Nadastrom, Beni, Totally Enormous Extinct Dinosaurs, Brenmar and High Rankin.

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Thursday: Because so many people will be at Ultra Friday through Sunday, Thursday seems to be the big club night. Nikki Beach is throwing a party that’s about on the level of Tuesday’s Miami Massive. Poplife, Miami’s longtime arbiter of cool, hosts a party at Grand Central featuring Tiga and Diplo. John Digweed’s at the Cameo. Mansion will host Cathy and David Guetta’s F*** Me I’m Famous party, which may be the most hedonistic thing going Thursday night. But we’ll be stepping aboard one of two yacht parties. (Ah, Miami — where you have your choice of yacht parties to attend). The Ultimate Yacht Party features Desyn Masiello and takes place from 3 to 9 p.m. Tickets at Magneticgrooves.com are a little steep at $125, but it’s a freakin’ yacht party, for God’s sake. Also, the party promoters recommend Dutch naval attire. (We have no idea.) Alternatively, you could pay just $60 (presale only) to step aboard the Sunset Yacht Party, which primarily features a bunch of DJs from Chicago (including Jimmie Page and Dave Moreno). Two things, though — the Sunset cruise takes place from 4 to 9 p.m., giving you one less hour of party time. Also, it offers a cash bar and no ATM, while the Ultimate Yacht Party boasts an open bar. Depending on how much of a lush you are, the decision has been made for you.

Friday: Ultra, Day 1. You know the score. Tiësto headlines. For the afterparty, we’re off to either the No Sugar Added Festival at Nikki Beach, which kicks off at midnight and features another 17 hours of music, or the first of Ice Palace’s three-night run of all-night parties that they are suitably entitling Lost Weekend. Best daytime alternative for folks who didn’t get Ultra tickets: The Pete Tong Pool Party at the Surfcomber, which takes place from 11 a.m. to 11 p.m. and features Richie Hawtin, Luciano, Tong himself, and many others.

Saturday: Ultra, Day 2. Deadmau5 headlines. The possibility of complete and total physical collapse should become a reality about halfway through today’s festivities. Pace yourself and repeat whatever mantra works for you. Only the strong survive. Guinness for strength. When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro. If you’re up for an afterparty, 1) You’re a rock star, and 2) you’re hitting either the 11th annual Gathering — Digweed’s show at the Vagabond — or the eclectic mix of DJs and live acts at the Electric Pickle, which include Crosstown Rebels, Art Department, Clive Henry and a slew of others. Your daytime Ultra alternative: The Shelbourne’s Pasha Ibiza, featuring Bob Sinclar, Pete Tong and DJ Jazzy Jeff, a poolside party that takes place from noon to 10:30 p.m.

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Sunday: Ultra, Day Three. The Chemical Brothers headline with a live set. The dancing is zombielike now, more instinctual staggering to the beat than anything else. Afterparty? Fuck you, you maniac — we’re going to bed. But if you must know, Oscar G has a closing party at the Cameo, and Sasha has one at SET. Also, despite Ultra’s claims of exclusivity regarding its performers, the Disco Biscuits will be playing an instrumental show at Grand Central under the name Tractorbeam. Daytime alternative to Ultra: The Nervous Pool Party at the Clevelander, with sets by Oscar G, Junior Sanchez and more than a dozen others, including “an unannounced global duo set.”

If, after this week and WMC a couple of weeks ago, you wake up Monday morning with the urge to stay up all night listening to progressive trance or something, we really can’t help you. We’re done. In a coma and EDM-ed out. We’re listening to nothing but Johnny Cash and Willie Nelson for the next month. You’re on your own.

Contact Dan Sweeney at dfsweeney@citylinkmagazine.com.

Illustration by Mike Reed of the Los Angeles Times

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by Julia Allison

The new-mail sound pinged and I clicked. “I would love to watch you get punched senseless,” the message read. “You are a fucking failure, a typical New York failure. If I ever find any of your written nonsense on MSN or Yahoo, it will probably get ugly.”

The bullying I endured in middle school was so bad I used to come home in tears, wishing I wouldn’t wake up the next morning. And yet, here I am, more than a decade and a half later, dealing with a far more virulent strain: cyberbullying.

E-mails, comments, Facebook, Twitter. If there’s a way to reach people electronically, there’s a way to make them cry.

My haters love to focus on my physical appearance. I have body parts I didn’t even know could be called hideous: “sausage fingers” and “elephant knees,” for example. But it doesn’t stop there. One commenter wrote, “Julia, you are a despicable person. Ugly inside and out, with ZERO redeeming qualities. … [D]espite your best efforts to scrub it all and land a husband … which will NEVER happen, btw.”

This represents just a fraction of the hate that has been thrown my way, as well as in the direction of my friends, family, boyfriends and employers. Why? As a columnist and as a social-media user, haters feel I am fair game. They do it because they can. Because I “asked for it” by sharing anything at all.

We live in a world of more than 600 million Facebook accounts, 160 million blogs, 190 million Twitter accounts. Are we all “asking” to be cyberbullied?

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On March 10, the White House convened its Conference on Bullying Prevention and launched Stopbullying.gov. “This isn’t an issue that makes headlines every day, but it affects every single young person in our country,” President Obama told the conference.

I would amend that statement: Cyberbullying affects all people, not just the young.

Bullying spans generations: Forty-five-year-old bullies raise children who become 13-year-old bullies who grow up to be 28-year-old bullies. And here’s my “controversial” proposition: Kids aren’t the only ones who should be protected from them. Until we agree that cyberbullying is an absolutely unacceptable way to treat other people, the cycle of harassment will continue.

The government’s new Web site defines bullying as when someone uses strength or power to harm or intimidate those who are weaker. Online dynamics are such, however, that a handful of haters can become a mob and target anyone, regardless of age, economic status or “real-world” power.

“It goes beyond name-calling,” says 37-year-old A.B., a veteran blogger who has experienced the devastating effects of motivated online bullies. The hate insidiously wormed its way into her life. “What would make you stop?” she posted on her blog. Her bullies’ response: “Die.”

“People are like, ‘Oh, don’t read it,’” she says. “But how can you not stand up for yourself?”

Especially when no one else is.

One of my readers, Sara, described encountering nasty comments about herself online. “It killed me,” she says. “I was devastated. I felt it physically. I could literally feel the blood drain from my body every time I found a new one.”

Following someone around on the street while screaming insults at them would be considered, at least, crazy and, at most, criminal harassment. So why is it accepted online?

“All of us have an obligation to think about how we’re treating other people,” Obama said at an MTV forum in late 2010. “What we may think is funny or cute may end up being powerfully hurtful.”

We must go further. Internet companies have long brushed aside complaints about often-anonymous users who engage in personal attacks. “Not our problem,” seems to be their prevailing sentiment. Individuals cower behind anonymity, and because it can be difficult, time-consuming and costly to discover their true identities, they remain, ipso facto, exempt from libel and defamation laws.

Our government should step up and enact protections for citizens of all ages. A cyber police force doesn’t sound like such a bad idea. We can’t force people to like someone, but we can and should ensure that they don’t hurt others.

Julia Allison is a columnist, TV personality, public speaker and former Wired cover girl. Contact her at Socialstudiescolumn@gmail.com and follow her on Twitter at @Socialstudies and @Juliaallison.

A still from Autumn Casey’s video installation.

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by Colleen Dougher

Following are City Link’s picks for the week’s top art events in South Florida. For our “obsessively updated” guide to the local art scene, visit Artmurmurartguide.blogspot.com.

Open Process: New Work by Miami Artists
Curated by Ruba Katrib, the associate curator at the Museum of Contemporary Art, this show will feature work by Jessica Laurel Arias, Tatiana Vahan, Autumn Casey and Domingo Castillo, all of whom used museum resources to create their pieces. In a performance project, Vahan incorporates audio from the QVC network with photographs she took of herself and various Walmart shoppers in the store’s photo studio. Casey’s video installation was inspired by a cross-country trip guided by her mother and a psychic.

The show, which marks the 15th anniversary of MOCA’s Joan Lehman Building, will open 6:30 p.m. Thursday and run through June 5 at 770 N.E. 125 St., in North Miami. Admission is $5, $3 for students. Call 305-893-6211 or visit Mocanomi.org.

Christina Major
This solo exhibition will feature portraits of the artist and people she knows. Across each painting in textured gesso, words containing information about the subject overlap one another.

“As an undergraduate, I developed into a portrait painter,” Major explains. “I have been interested in the ways the identity of both artist and subject can coexist in a portrait. My graduate thesis exhibition work evolved from my desire to combine portrait-painting with writing, as well as to develop methods of using paint to express a merging of myself with the individual depicted in the portrait.”

The portraits are based on underwater photographs of her subjects, some of whom appear to be dreaming or whose long hair floats like tentacles. Some appear to be drowning, yet not fighting it, as though they’ve come to terms with the reality of their situation.

Major’s show will open 7-10 p.m. Saturday and run through April 9 at For Art Sake, 2000 Harrison St., Bay No. 2, in Hollywood. Call 954-921-2533 or visit Forartsake.com. In the meantime, check out our recent Fresh Art feature on Major.

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Aesthetics and Values Fine Art Exhibition
In this second annual show, Florida International University students learn about curating an exhibition by … curating an exhibition. Taught by artist John Bailly, the school’s Aesthetics and Values seminar is designed to educate students about the role of art in social and cultural events throughout history.

This year, 64 students worked with 10 local artists to present an exhibition meant to challenge viewers’ perceptions of reality. The show, which will feature work by Antonia Wright, Cristina Lei Rodriguez and Jen Stark, will include writings done with fly pigment, ping-pong balls shaped like clouds and a video of a woman screaming underwater while people above the surface remain oblivious to what’s happening below them.

The event will run through April 17. An opening reception will take place 6-9 p.m. March 23 at the Patricia and Phillip Frost Art Museum on Florida International University’s Maidique Campus, 10975 S.W. 17th St., in Miami. Call 305-348-2890 or visit Thefrost.fiu.edu.

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Seussville
Inspired by Theodor Seuss Geisel, a.k.a. Dr. Seuss, this party will feature works by more than 25 artists, including photographer Jason Nugent, glass-blower Ryan David and mixed-media artist Cary Polkovitz. The event also will feature live-painting by Georgette Pressler of Devious Body Art, music from DJ Joshua Daniel and sushi from YellowJack Sushi. Presented by Art Nouveau Events, the party will begin 8 p.m. March 23 at the Lounge, 517 Clematis St., in West Palm Beach. Call 561-655-9747 or visit Artnouveauevents.com.

Contact Colleen Dougher at cdougher@citylinkmagazine.com.

Kenny Chesney

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by Joanie Cox and Dan Sweeney

THURSDAY 17: KISS
So you feel like going out tonight, but it’s St. Pat’s, and you’re not into wearing green so much as fake blood and face paint. Well, don’t fret, you weirdo; just join your fellow soldiers of the Kiss Army down at the Hard Rock. The hoary Kiss lands at Hard Rock Live in full regalia tonight, the final nonfestival appearance of the band’s Hottest Show on Earth tour. The tour initially ended in Guadalajara, Mexico, in October, but the group added a few dates in March to what has been a marathon event that began just before the 2009 release of Sonic Boom, the group’s first album in 11 years. Since then, Kiss, the members of which range in age from 50 to 61, have crossed the globe twice with multiple tour legs in North America and Europe. The band’s only breaks have come in January 2010 and the aforementioned months between the Guadalajara show and this brief run of concerts in March. The pace would be back-breaking for a group half Kiss’ age, which leads us to believe that either there’s somebody else wearing the makeup, or else the members of Kiss really are from a different planet. Probably the latter.
Location: Hard Rock Live, 5747 Seminole Way, Hollywood
Time: 8 p.m.
Cost: $75-$165
Contact: 800-745-3000 or Hardrocklivehollywoodfl.com

THURSDAY 17: KENNY CHESNEY
So you feel like going out tonight, but it’s St. Pat’s, and you’re not into wearing green so much as cowboy hats and Wranglers. Well, don’t fret, you hick. Kenny Chesney’s show in West Palm Beach will provide all the entertainment you need. Given that this generation’s Lynyrd Skynyrd is a rapper from Detroit (and a yeehaw to you, Kid Rock), there’s a sort of bent logic to the idea that our generation’s Jimmy Buffett is a country singer from Tennessee. Of course, that’s nothing new — Chesney has been nipping at Buffett’s heels since the beginning of the 2000s, when the release of No Shirt, No Shoes, No Problem marked a sharp right turn from Chesney’s “She Thinks My Tractor’s Sexy” work of the 1990s. Since then, the country-western star’s move into the Gulf-and-Western sound blazed by Buffett can be documented in album titles alone: All I Want for Christmas Is a Real Good Tan, When the Sun Goes Down, Just Who I Am: Poets and Pirates, Lucky Old Sun and his latest, last year’s Hemingway’s Whiskey. But really, the new Buffett being from Appalachia makes sense, and not only in the twisted-logic, Kid Rock is Southern kind of way. The Buffett-esque dream of passing out slowly while sitting under a palm tree and sipping rum from the bottle has always had more cachet with people who are unable to do that very thing on any given weekend.
Location: Cruzan Amphitheatre, 601-7 Sansbury’s Way, West Palm Beach
Time: 7 p.m.
Cost: $45-$95
Contact: 561-795-8883 or Livenation.com

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THURSDAY 17: DOPAPOD
So you feel like going out tonight, but it’s St. Pat’s, and you’re not into wearing green so much as tie-dye T-shirts and patchwork pants. Well, don’t fret, you hippie. The Funky Buddha will welcome the funky foursome of Dopapod for a rare southeastern appearance. The Boston-based band released its debut album, Radar, in 2009 to great acclaim and is currently working on new material even as it tours up and down the East Coast. On Friday night, the foursome will hit Miami’s Transit Lounge before heading back northward.
Location: The Funky Buddha Lounge, 2621 N. Federal Highway, Boca Raton
Time: 8 p.m.
Cost: $5
Contact: 561-368-4643 or Thefunkybuddha.com

SATURDAY 19: FOR THE LITTLE ONES
The Jack and Jill Children’s Center in Fort Lauderdale has helped more than 13,000 kids in need since it started in 1942. Tonight, you can contribute to its cause while enjoying local music and art. This party at the Bubble will feature the Coral Springs-based country-rock band Harvey and the Buckets, Fort Lauderdale folk rock-act Sweet Bronco and works by artists such as Jessica DeJohn, Blair Hess and Susan Buzzi. Live-painting, craftmaking and raffles for artwork and massages also will be available.
Location: The Bubble, 810 N.E. Fourth Ave., Fort Lauderdale
Time: 6 p.m.-midnight
Cost: $10-$25
Contact: 954-562-3804 or Independentworkingartistnetwork.com

SATURDAY 19-SUNDAY 20: JAZZ IN THE GARDENS
Jazz in the Gardens is already kind of a big deal, but a set by Lauryn Hill? That’s epic. At least, it could be, if Hill doesn’t keep the audience waiting three hours for her to appear onstage, play songs nobody knows or berate her fans for expecting her to act like a professional, all of which she did at shows earlier this year in St. Louis and Brooklyn. Even if she does repeat that diva act, her performance Saturday is sure to be memorable. (Her set is scheduled for 10:35 p.m., but, well, you know.) Saturday’s bill offers nine other, more-reliable soul and R&B entertainers, including Lalah Hathaway, Al Jarreau, Heads of State with Bobby Brown, Charlie Wilson and DJ Irie. The lineup on Sunday is even more impressive, with Branford Marsalis, Gladys Knight, En Vogue, El DeBarge and the Isley Brothers.
Location: Sun Life Stadium, 2269 N.W. 199th St., Miami Gardens
Time: 3 p.m.
Cost: $45-$70 each day
Contact: 305-623-6100 or Jazzinthegardens.com

That sentiment cuts to the heart of what it means to be Irish. Irishness is a long saga of heartbreak and tragedy. And in light of that, St. Patrick’s Day, and the ridiculous revelry involved, is more about an undying optimism for the future than a celebration of the status quo — a belief that what we, as Irish-Americans, have built in this country will stand for lifetimes to come when the land our forefathers left, as much as they loved it, gave them so much loss.

That, or it’s about getting piss drunk. Either way, it’ll be a hell of a time.
— Dan Sweeney

THE FIELD
One of the last Irish pubs in South Florida to regularly present bands that actually play — wonder of wonders — Irish music, the Field also throws an annual St. Patrick’s Day bash for people who understand the genre encompasses more than just the collected works of U2 and Van Morrison. Expect to hear a host of traditional reels and ballads, along with contemporary Celtic rock and folk, during this party that will take place from 11 a.m. Thursday to 2 a.m. Friday. The Field will present music on two stages by local act Celtic Bridge; Celtic Mayhem, a trio that may be familiar to fans of Florida’s renaissance festivals; and the Canadian duo Richard Wood and Gordon Belcher. If you don’t want to spend half the night watching the party from your car as you anxiously drive around searching for a parking space, arrive as early as possible. Given its small lot, parking at this pub can be as hopeless as reading James Joyce to a toddler. The Field is located at 3281 Griffin Road in Dania Beach. Call 954-964-5979 or visit Thefieldfl.com.

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JOHN MARTIN’S ST. PATRICK’S DAY STREET PARTY
If you abhor the color green, drunk people, the music of U2, drink tickets and long lines outside portable toilets, stay the hell away from downtown Coral Gables this Thursday night. Once again, John Martin’s Irish Pub and Restaurant will draw thousands of revelers along Salzedo Street and Aragon Avenue. At this annual event, the normally uptight Gables can resemble an open-air fraternity house, with puddles of beer and other, less-identifiable liquids pooling beneath the feet of questionably dressed partygoers, who crowd beer trucks and food vendors while Irish rock and pop bands perform nearby. Beginning at 5 p.m. and lasting well into the evening, this year’s event likely will be no different. Performers will include Paddy Kelleghan and the Rolling C’s, the Hard Liquor Band and UV — the U2 Tribute Show. John Martin’s is located at 253 Miracle Mile. Visit Johnmartins.com. And bring shoes you have no interest in ever wearing again.

KISS THE BLARNEY STONE
Held in the Paradise section of the Seminole Hard Rock Hotel and Casino, this block party will begin at noon with a set by the authentic Irish band Avalon, featuring Tricianne Garrihy. The party will continue at Murphy’s Law with cover band Funkette, and the Guinness will flow until 4 a.m. with sets by the Swinging Richards and Ireland’s DJ Gary Malone. In addition to Irish cuisine and green beer, there will also be a “So You Think You Can Dance Irish” contest. Admission is free until 7 p.m. when a to-be-decided cover charge will go into effect at Murphy’s Law. Call 954-583-3250 or visit Seminoleparadise.com.

MAGUIRES HILL 16
The parking lot at this Fort Lauderdale pub will be tented for an outdoor celebration that kicks off at 8 a.m. with a traditional Irish breakfast. Corned beef and cabbage, Irish stew, shapherd’s pie, burgers and hot dogs will be served all day, and music on the outdoor stage will kick off at noon. Scorching fiddle player Paraic Keane and Mad Mission and Uproot Hootenanny will perform throughout the day, and at 7:30 p.m., music will go on inside the bar, with fiddler Randy and Blue Fire. At 8 p.m., blues guitarist Albert Castiglia will take the stage. Pipers and Irish step dancers will also perform throughout the day. Admission is $10. Maguires is located at 535 N. Andrews Ave., in Fort Lauderdale. Call 954-764-4453 or visit Maguireshill16.com.

SAVAGE CRAIC AT FADÓ
Fadó Irish Pub in Mary Brickell Village will open at 8 a.m. with pancakes and pints. At 11, after everyone is stuffed and soused, the venue will unleash bagpipers, Irish dancers, the appropriately named band Celtic Mayhem and U2 cover act the Picklebacks. The radio station Y100 will broadcast live from the party, which will take place on two levels of outdoor beer gardens. Admission is $10 after 5 p.m. and includes a chance to win a trip for two to the Guinness Brewery at St. James Gate in Dublin. Fadó’s owners promise the event will be savage craic (pronounced “crack”), an expression used to describe a great time out with friends. Fadó, a pub that was built in Dublin and re-assembled at its current location, can be found at 900 S. Miami Ave., Suite 200, in Miami. Call 786-924-0972 or visit Fadoirishpub.com.

ST. PADDY’S DAY BASH
Packy’s Sports Pub bills this event as its biggest party of the year. And that’s no empty boast: outdoor party tents, green beer, Irish food, bagpipers and the party band Bounce (9 p.m.-1 a.m.) are only some of its highlights. The festivities will begin at 10 a.m. at 4480 N. Federal Highway, in Lighthouse Point. Call 954-657-8423 or visit Packysportspub.com.

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ST. PATRICK’S DAY ON CLEMATIS
The 500 block of Clematis Street in West Palm Beach will be closed from traffic to accommodate the green-wearing folks who will gather for their annual dose of bagpipers, Irish dancers and Guinness. This year’s festival will include a 1:30 p.m. performance by Amadáns and Bodhráns (Amadán is Gaelic for “idiot”), a County Cork folk ‘n’ roll duo whose songs include “Big Strong Amadán,” “God Save the Amadáns” and “Folsom Amadán Blues.” A “wee” parade with an appearance by “St. Patrick himself” will begin at 3 p.m. O’Shea’s (531 Clematis St.) will serve corned beef and cabbage and bangers and mash, and Roxy’s Pub’s (309 Clematis St.) will present its third annual beer pong tournament and music by the Spazmatics (8:30-11 p.m.), a Tampa quartet that describes its music as high-energy new wave. Afterward, reggae band 4th Dimension will perform at Roxy’s 10@2 Saloon until 1 a.m. How Irish.

Celtic Bridge

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by Colleen Dougher

South Florida’s Irish pubs once burst with the sounds of fiddles, bodhrans and stepdancers’ shoes hitting wooden floors. Today, though, many of the area’s so-called Irish pubs primarily book cover bands playing non-Irish music. But no matter how many pints of Guinness we down, “Margaritaville” is not a viable substitute for stellar fiddle tunes, uilleann pipes and jig-worthy songs that weave tales of whiskey, stout and camaraderie. In honor of St. Patrick’s Day, we collected songs from some of South Florida’s best musicians to help you gear up for the holiday.

Celtic Mayhem’s performance of “Johnny Jump Up” may leave listeners yearning for a taste of the wicked cider — not enough to get into a drunken brawl, but enough to experience the drink’s ostensible, magical healing powers. This traditional song tells the tale of a man who slips into a pub for a beer and, upon discovering there’s none left, drinks three quarts of Johnny Jump Up cider and gets into a fistfight with a cop. “The next thing I remember down in Cork by the sea,” the song goes, “Was a cripple on crutches and says he to me/’I'm afraid of me life I’ll be hit by a car/Won’t you help me across to the Celtic Knot Bar?’/After downing a quart of that cider so sweet/He threw down his crutches and danced on his feet.” Celtic Mayhem, which consists of singer-guitarist Ty Billings, fiddler Jack Stamates and multi-instrumentalist Martyn Wilde, will play three pubs on St. Patrick’s Day. The trio will perform 10 a.m.-2:45 p.m. at Fadó Irish Pub in Miami, 5-8 p.m. at the Field in Dania Beach and 9-11 p.m. at Galuppi’s in Pompano Beach. You can find a video of their performance of “Johnny Jump Up” on YouTube.

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“Paddy Works on the Railway,” a traditional folksong performed by Matthew Sabatella and the Rambling String Band, tells the story of Irish immigrants who came to America for jobs laying railroad tracks and learned, after years of low-paying labor, to drink their whiskey straight. “In eighteen hundred and forty-two/I left the Old World for the new,” Sabatella sings. “Bad cess to the luck that brought me through/To work upon the railroad/… Our boss’s name, it was Tom King/He kept a store to rob the men/A Yankee clerk with ink and pen/To cheat Pat on the railroad.” Sabatella says he found the tune in an old songbook and has yet to hear another recording of it. “As part of our Ballad of America project, we revive folksongs primarily from the 1700s and 1800s and put them into historical context,” he explains. “’Paddy Works on the Railway’ is from our CD Ballad of America Volume 1: Over a Wide and Fruitful Land, which tells the story of the westward expansion of the United States. We perform ‘Paddy’ and recorded it because it captures so well the experience of men whose work had such a huge impact on this country.” Sabatella will sing classic railroad songs Saturday and Sunday at the Gold Coast Railroad Museum in Miami. Visit Balladofamerica.com.

Uproot Hootenanny’s fiddle-laden “Fill ‘em Up Again Lads” sounds as if it’s been around forever, but it’s actually an original song about hanging out in a small town drinking beer and whiskey. As the song goes (repeatedly, the way drinking songs do), “No matter what the time of day, you’re feeling good or bad/You’ll sit and drink and drink again, fill ‘em up again lads!” The band will perform noon-5 p.m. Saturday at Seminole Hard Rock Hotel and Casino in Hollywood and 10 p.m. Saturday at Kahuna’s in Deerfield Beach. It also will appear 8 p.m. Sunday at the Dubliner in Boca Raton.

Ade Peever, singer-guitarist for Celtic Bridge, house band at the Field, says his band’s performance of “Good Ale” derives from a version by the historic British singing group the Copper Family. “Though there’s probably no such thing as a politically correct drinking song,” Peever writes in an e-mail, “we do omit verses such as ‘And if my wife should me despise/How soon I’d give her two black eyes.’ ” Peever says the album sleeve of the Copper Family’s early recordings indicates the song once was recorded in Kentucky, where it became about whiskey rather than ale. “We’d actually be interested to find the Kentucky version, as our whiskey songs tend to outnumber our beer songs,” Peever says. “On St. Patrick’s Day, look forward to us singing the praises and dangers of the craythur [that is, whiskey] in songs such as “Streams of Whiskey” (The Pogues), “Nancy Whiskey” (a traditional song known in Scots and Irish versions), “Whiskey, You’re the Devil” (Tommy Makem) and “Whiskey in the Jar” (traditional).” Celtic Bridge will perform all day Thursday and Friday and Saturday evening at The Field.

Some of the best Irish pub songs are instrumentals, as is evidenced by a video of a three-song set from Belfast-born fiddler Roisin Dillon and guitarist John Schreiber of Celtic Bridge. The first of the three songs is an original composition by Dillon. The performance took place this past October at the Field.

Contact Colleen Dougher at cdougher@citylinkmagazine.com.

Take that, PETA! Franc Fernandez poses with some other designers’ creations at the Haute Cut-ure Fashion Show.

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by Joanie Cox

When Lady Gaga appeared on the MTV Video Music Awards in a meat dress last September, I screamed with delight. I immediately wanted to meet the designer behind the controversial creation. On March 3, I got my chance when I attended a show featuring the most unusual collection I’ve ever encountered. The fashions at the Haute Cut-ure Fashion Show and Red Carpet: A Night of Rare Fashion consisted entirely of raw meat. The evening’s host, Franc Fernandez, is the man behind Gaga’s meat dress. He crafted the dress with his assistant, Lyndsea LaMarr, and Gaga’s stylist, Nicola Formichetti.

The runway show fittingly took place at STK, the swanky steakhouse at the Gansevoort Hotel in Miami Beach. Fernandez flew in from Paris, where he was working on new accessories, and didn’t arrive until after 11 p.m. I ended up hanging out with LaMarr for a decent chunk of the night. An L.A. girl, she seemed less intense than the women I typically encounter in Miami’s fashion scene. The rebellious fashionista dropped out of college to work in product development at American Apparel and got the opportunity to sew the meat dress after taking photos for her friend’s pornography blog. The blogger hooked her and Fernandez up.

Clad in a hot-pink, one-shouldered minidress with a giant starfish pinned to the side of her head, LaMarr gave me the beef on the gown. “We used a Spanish meat that had good marbleization and was easy to work with,” she explains. “We worked on the dress for about 18 hours and stored it in a 5-foot cooler. It was really fun to make, though. I felt like a doctor sewing the flesh — a doctor of fashion.”

LaMarr and Fernandez, who are both 23, taxidermied the dress to preserve it. “The dress was more of a direction from Nicola,” Fernandez says. “Originally, we just wanted to do a meat purse, and then, we decided to go all the way. I think he kind of threw it out there, and [even Lady Gaga] didn’t expect it to be a whole dress.”

It was the first dress Fernandez ever made. To add to the shock value, Gaga didn’t try it on before the night of the awards show. “She literally put it on for the first time when you saw her on TV,” Fernandez says. “We put it on her and we went with it. It fit right.”

Fernandez says he will never make another outfit from meat and has no plan to launch a clothing line. He’s working as the creative director for a planned talk show, though he’s happy that people were excited about the dress. “Everyone seemed pretty proud. I think it was on Twitter for two days straight. Cher even tweeted about it,” he recalls. “I think one of my friends mentioned, ‘It’s great you’re a trending topic on Twitter, and you didn’t even have to die or anything.’  ”

Fernandez emceed the fashion show, which featured USDA-approved fashions from three designers. Beth Gerharts, the designer of Miami’s Betty Bangs swimwear, whipped up a meat bikini for the event, while New York designers Kelly Dooley and Martin Capristan designed a raw sports bra and halter dress, respectively.

Dooley designed her sports bra using flank steak and nylon thread. Gerharts says it took her four hours to construct her meat-kini. Using fishing line to sew it together, Gerharts — who also used flank steak for her design — named her piece “Meat Me in Miami.” It suits the city to a T-bone. It is, after all, kind of a meat market.

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GLOBAL WARNING
Miami Beach International Fashion Week has always been a great event to cover, simply because I never have a clue what type of fashions I’ll be seeing. Every year, it gets weirder. On March 4, at the Men’s Showcase and International Eveningwear Showcase at the Miami Beach Convention Center, designers from places such as the Dominican Republic and Dubai showed how looks differ around the world. Some of the menswear styles would work well in Miami, such as Mauricio Alberino’s line.

The Dominican designer Alberino showed a bevy of tropical-colored blazers and guayabera-inspired shirts. But Serbian designer Bata Spasojevic’s line of Matrix-like trench coats and pants with far too many zippers was a little too futuristic for the men of today. Can you image a guy showing up to Tarpon Bend for beers with the boys wearing a silver blazer, matching fitted cargo shorts and a scarf? It’s clearly a look best reserved for meeting up with the characters from Zoolander for Orange Mocha Frappucinos and an impromptu gasoline fight. On the upside, the models were forced to walk the runway in bizarre plastic eye coverings that resembled blindfolds, so they really couldn’t see what they were wearing.

Because the shows were running almost an hour behind, I nearly skipped the eveningwear segment due to hunger pains; I needed something more than the melon balls, cubes of pepper Jack cheese and Dixie Cup of Barefoot Bubbly available at the show. But I was glad I stayed, because I have never witnessed a more-intriguing presentation of eveningwear — other than Gaga’s meat dress, of course.

Dubai-based designer Rocky Gathercole’s showcase began as an homage to caveman couture. Male models wearing tiny loin coverings and airbrushed with primitive cave drawings prowled around the stage as if they were freshly thawed Encino men. They pounded the runway and made strange hand gestures toward the ceiling. Then, a bizarre collection of clothes was presented. The first model wore a large ram’s head and a mesh metal dress, resembling a creature we may see at some point on True Blood. Intense tribal music blared in the background as she proudly held up what looked like a human spine at the end of the runway. The spectacle continued with models sporting long, curly fingernails and wearing red feather headdresses, spiky silver bustiers, green feathered getups, fairy wings and a chandelier-inspired shirt that looked as if it has been ripped from the ceiling of the Forge.

During the show, I sat next to a couple of buyers, who joked about where they’d be able to stock and sell such apparel. But I could easily imagine the pieces appearing on a Gaga/Cher tour.

Although several designers showed more-traditional eveningwear, such as floor-length gowns, I fixated on the night’s fantasy fashions. The final collection to make my jaw drop was by Baron Levon Siamanto, a Pompano Beach-based designer and artist who draped models in painted canvases, created a ball gown from American flags and made a metal bustier dress adorned with a full-size violin. One piece appeared totally normal — a sleeveless, ruffled, white top. But when the model turned around, Siamanto didn’t let me down: A ginormous pair of scissors hung from the shirt, a perfect fashion statement for letting friends or lovers know when you feel stabbed in the back. Visit Glamazon.citylinkmix.com for photos and footage from the shows.

Contact Joanie Cox at jcox@citylinkmagazine.com.